I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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