You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
