i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
