Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize