Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
