This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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