Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
