I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I fill condoms, not promises.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
