I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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