Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
