I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
