He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
