Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
