9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
