you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
