you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
