I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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