Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
