Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Enjoy the penises
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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