the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
no you cant smoke seaweed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
