Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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