Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
