Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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