Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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