Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize