i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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