with your own penis?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
