We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she told me i tasted like america
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My bed smells like the plague
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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