I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
