i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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