Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
