Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
