Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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