Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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