Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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