we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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