Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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