so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
