I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
