why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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