While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
