I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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