At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How's work?
Spinning.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
