Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I die, sorry about rent.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The air taste purple.
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