If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
