I wish you could order shots online.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
