I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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