"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We are all done wearing pants today
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
