Need sex. Gaining weight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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