Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
