My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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