It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
