do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize