They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
