I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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