I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
