i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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