you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
