Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
