i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize