Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
