Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
