Do you still have your period?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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