so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
