I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
