and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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