I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
