some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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