Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
