Screwed.edu
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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